Extrodinary Girl

why do you constantly critize me and my taste in almost everything!?!?!?!?!??!?
you are a straight up BITCH!!!!! i swear, FACE IT!! he gets HIGHHHHHHH! its called denial bitch, and no its not a river in EYGPT! ugh! you disgust me, like seriously. but whatever i know in the end you are going to get yours and i'm going to get mine!
and i know that God has a plan for me and has someone for me. :)

yay! i get my braces off in march..well hopefully if they still have appointments in march left open for me. :)
can't wait to get them off...had the on for almost four years now. :( booo.
uh..cant wait for art history. that class is soo interesting. i LOVE it but i'm not too crazy about my teacher she's kinda grouchy but luckly the paintings we are learning about are mostly familiar...so i dont really have to listen to her talk. haha.
uhhh...how official is marriage now a days? yeah..i know, that questions looks a bit silly but i dont know i've been thinking about it. :|
i wanna go to san fran to go visit liset one of these three day weekends we have coming up next month.
work was fun this weekend. there was a blackout and we had to feed the residents in the dark which was an adventure. haha. but its cool got to hang out with the chefs <3 and the dishwashers.
jose is not getting on my nerves as much so i didn't mind working in the back.
alex was kinda acting weird but when is that guy not doing something odd. haha.
well i better go and do some homework before another three hour block of classes.
heres my schedule today:
8-8:50: History 12
9-9:50: Nutrition
11-11:50: Art History
12-12:50: Elementary Aerobics
1-1:50: Psychology

and then i'm going to the mall with sara after pscyh..busy day. but hey it beats being boring in the dorm.
tomorrow isn't too bad.
12:30-1:45: Chemistry
2:00-4:50: Chem. Lab.
i dont wanna go my chem lab but oh well i can only miss two days.

thursday are the BOMB! only one class and last thursday it was only 30 minutes long!
lol. that was nice. :)
well take care everyone.

PEACE, LOVE, AND HAPPINESS! :)

thank you! :)

well only two more weeks as of tuesday! :D
i'm happy!! the only thing bringing me down is finals! boo finals. i wish i had confidence in myself that i was going to pass all my finals. well actually i only really care about three-philosophy, anthropology, and communications. the rest i'm not too worried about. music seems pretty easy and sociology..meh. lol. all i need is a C and i think i have a B, so i can get a C on the final and i'll be good. lol.
I'm getting sick which is not good because i can't really breathe through my nose which is the only place that i can breathe from..so uh oh! uh..yeah..i can't wait until break. stupid finals (again)..ew..i'm drooling..i dont know why. i should be studying for philosophy but i have that class at 3:30 tomorrow..so everyone wish me luck. i have FIVE finals to go through in three days.

i hate not having anybody here to talk to. i really need someone to talk to right now. i dont know lately i've been feeling a little left out from the rest of the roommates. they all seem to get along real well because they spend so much time together and i'm almost never here because i have school and work. work takes up a lot more of my time then i thought it would. i really hate it here. i feel so alone. right now i feel like crying and just going home. i GIVE up. seriously i'm tired of college already. i have another midterm tomorrow that im going to fail and i have to write a paper and its due friday. i've been trying to do it but i dont know theres no motivation anymore. i'm quickly losing my drive to do ANYTHING! ahhh!!! i hate it when sara and felicia keep telling me, "Let me see how much you have done [homework]" and now i'm saying,"huh? i didn't know i had my mother with me in college. i thought she was 90 miles away." i know its really mean but i'm tired!! i snapped at felicia today. i'm just so tired of her being very passive aggressive to me and sara. like yesturday i asked her what was the name of the movie she saw and she was all,"it was called 'into the wild' it was really good but you guys wouldnt like it because its a long movie and you guys would lose focus." FUCK HER! i swear. i was so fucking pissed. ahhh!! and then yesturday we were in the car and she was all,"it amazes me how fucking stupid you sound sara," ahh! this girl is getting on my nerves. so today she called me a sucka and i dont know why i just snapped. i was all,"what is with all the name calling?" felicia: "well...i call you a loser because you lost the game and sucka because thats another general term for loser." i was mad. then heather was all,"are you really offended?" i was all,"well...no. just after a while it gets annoying." i dont know. i hope things get better soon.

i feel so pathetic....i stay up signed on to aim hopeing that today will be the day that he logs on but everytime i'm dissapointed. was it something i said?? i dont think so. i didnt say anything horrible like i always do. i was actually kinda normal with this one. i wasn't a bitch like always. mmmm...maybe he just got tired of me? :'-( i hope not. maybe he will sign on again. maybe tonight will be the night. i can feel it. i'll just stay up for a couple of more hours and then i'll go to bed. okay. i got my pj's on and i got my study guide for my midterm right next to me. i'm ready for a long night of waiting for him and studying for this midterm, which will be hard because my mind is somewhere else right now. GOSH! i sound so pathetic or do i sound like i'm in like up to my ears???

STUDYING FOR MIDTERMS SUCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i wish i would have paid better attention in sociology so i wouldn't have to cram seven weeks of power points and lectures in two days!!
as for everything else...things are going..EHH!
things have been better.
i wish i had someone to give me the biggest hug ever because i really need one.
i'm just stressed and tired.
i need someone to tell me that all this hard work is going to be worth it in the end.

Lately i don't know whats going on with me. i haven't been able to concentrate for anything. I'm sitting in socio and anthro and i have no idea what the professors are talking about. i think the reason i've been feeling like this is because everytime i get quiz back and i don't do as good as i hoped i feel like i'm not only letting myself down but also my mother.
This whole idea of being a nurse was her idea, not mine. Well partly mine, but i don't if i want to be become one anymore. i can't handle the stress of having to be the best because thats the only thing my mom will accept. She already has plans for me and it basically sounds like she has my life planned out for me. I don't like it. I want to be able to create my own destiny. Not what my mom wants me to be or do.
She expects me to move back in after i graduate but if i don't have to then why should i?
I think she's soo afraid of losing one of us to someone else. But thats is whats going to happen if she doesn't stop suffocating us. Man!!
I'm so tired of her controlling everything!! i see her get mad at my brother for wanting to spend time with his girlfriend, but come on we need a life too.
I had my tarot cards read at the fair this weekend and i came out bawling. i can't tell you what she said but i can say that most of it hit really close to my heart.
I know i sound really stupid and are probably not making ANY sense, but this is just what i'm going through right now.

well i'm finally in fresno. i can't believe i already left. so far its not what i thought it would be like. i wish i had a car to drive around in so i could have something to do instead of playing on the computer all day. oh well.
No excited stories to write about... Fresno is pretty quiet!
Darn!!
There are these one girls who always have their door open. So everytime mine roommates and i want to go upstairs we have to pass by their room with their loud horrible music and over decorated dorm.
The RA for my floor is really cute.
uum...
i like my classes....
oh my gosh!!
we had a philosophy quiz on Fri. and some of the people in my class don't have the book. well my teacher lets them slide on the quiz but not the rest of the class. I got a 40 out of 100!!!
Then today two more people add to the class and she lets them take the quiz home!!
I guess this is college life! i tried to talk to her after class but she just kept saying "don't worry about it its only one little quiz!!" ahhhhhh!!!
well thats the only thing thats exciting about my so-far college experience.
take care everyone, where ever you may be

I had a really weird dream last night... i dreamnt that mr.dyer's gf came up to me and said she didn't want me talking to him anymore. which is kinda funny because the only time i talked to him outside of class was during office hours and on myspace to ask him about a class i should take next year. i don't know the dream was very weird.

anyways, i move in to fresno state in four weeks i'm excited and nervous. i hope i do well and don't fail. omg!! i'm freaking out because out of 300 students they only accept 55 a semester in the nursing program!! holy crap!! and the lowest gpa was a 3.68!! yeah i have LOADS of work to do, i hope i can pull it off. i'm excited though because i'm taking music 9 which is intro to music and i get to read, write and play music. the best part is its going to be on a keyboard piano. i'm excited!!

well i better go and study for my drivers license test! i missed 11 on my last written test. WISH ME LUCK!

man i have another paper due. i'm so burnt out i can't wait til summer school is out and i can sleep until i can't sleep anymore..

this whole weekend i didn't get to sleep at ALL!!

I get my fall schedule for fresno state on Friday after a eight hour BORING orientation! wish me luck.

since i am taking english and stats here i won't take it over there. woo hoo!! i finally am ahead. my goal is to stay that way.

i have so excited to move already!! only about 35 more days! i realized i don't have that much stuff to take over there so i won't need so boxes. that's pretty sad. oh well.

i went for a job interview this past friday. i hope i get it. but i think i messed up because i kept talking about how i get along with everyone and i never said that i was a hard worker or anything like that. man i am sooo stupid. but i won't know until next week and since school's out this week i won't be able to update for a while.

so pray for me everyone.

right now i'm doing my research paper and i can't find anything on voltaire. i know, how is that possible?

well i better go. take care everyone.

i'm almost done with my analysis paper. i have a page and a half to finish. i hope i finish in time.
well last night was the midnight showing of harry potter. i wanted to go sooo bad but my mom wouldn't let me because she found out that i had a stats test this morning.(i think i pasted it) oh well... she said she'll take me this weekend, but she's paying.

man it sucks being broke. i have no money from my pay check, i spend it all on my dorm deposit. can you believe they ask you to send in a money order for $1580!!!!! within five days of when you get the invoice. holy crap!! but we did. yup. its official i'm a BULLDOG!! Bark bark lol.

this friday i'm going on an interview for a job on campus. the job is at the atrium desk where i'll answer phone calls and direct people to different departments within the school. sounds fun huh??? a good thing about it is thats its five seconds away from my dorm. so i can leave for work at 4:59 and still be early to work at 5:00!!! wish me luck!

I'm soo freakin' burnt out. i'm sitting in the library trying to type a six page essay on free will in two novels that i dont really care for and no words will come out. i'm thinking about quitting but i can't all i have to keep telling myself is "TWO MORE WEEKS! TWO MORE WEEKS!!!"

oh my gosh, i think i'm going to go on my first date. my FIRST real date. i'm soo excited now, i just have to set a date and call him up and say "lets go." the exciting part of it was i think he asked me. i think... okay i'll let you guys be the judge. i messaged this guy on myspace and just basically said "whats up" and "how's your summer?" and he messaged back saying, "ok, boring. i just got my license!" and i messaged saying, "great, now you can take me to the movies, how 'bout you drive and i'll pay? lol" and messaged back saying, "do you want to go to the movies? you don't have to pay."
i was so excited. what do you guys think? was it my suggestion that led him to asking me to the movies? or was he just waiting for the door of oppoturnity to open where he could ask me? or am i reading too much into this?

clara, you might remember who this is. i've talked about him before.
*hint: ms.ren's class lol
when you remember... shhhh... don't tell anyone. please.

wow! i just realized i haven't written anything about graduation and grad-nite. i have to make this brief because i have class in like an hour.
so anyways, i was waiting for natasha to pick me to go to graduation practice and it was already five minutes for practice to start and i was still at home, so my dad said he'll take me and when i get there, natasha had just driven up and said she got a ticket on her way to my house. i felt so horrible. but i was glad she didn't get into an accident. so we go to graduation practice and it was surprisingly not that hard to find out where i was going and going to sit. after practice... GRAD-NITE!!!

Grad-nite: After a LONG drive with guys playing the most direst games and peeing in water bottles, we finally arrive at Disneyland. The rides didn't open until like 11 or something, so dezirae and i started dancing with some people from our school.then rosalinda called and said she wants to go and get in a line for indiana jones, (the best ride at disneyland) and so we get on and it was just as i remembered it. after that we went on 3 more rides and rosalinda got tired and i pissed because it was barely 3:30 and we still had 2 hours left. so being the "aggressive" person i am, i decided to sit with her and watch her sleep. i was so angry but i didn't want to tell her anything. so it finally time to go and we start getting on the bus, and i was already irritated, so the sight of johnny just standing there made me sad. i dont know why!!! i just started tearing up. so we get on the bus and start on our way home.

Graduation Day: i woke up at around 4:00pm and i had to make a hair appointment at 6:00pm. so it was time to leave and go graduate!!!! the graduation ceremony went by so fast but i LOVED it. i was first one to cheer for liset when she mentioned AVID in her speech!!

Sober-Grad: After graduation i asked rosalinda if she could give me a ride to sober grad and she said yes. so after i said hi to my family members and goodbye to some of the people who i may never see again, i went looking for rosalinda and i couldn't find her. so i hitched a ride home from natasha. so rosalinda called me when i get home and asked if i still needed a ride to sober grad and i said yes. so she says she's on her way to pick me up. we arrive at sober grad and the place was pretty much dead! so i walked around with dezirae and joanna and we danced. so after an hour rosalinda says she wants to go home which pissed me off because even though sober grad wasnt that much fun, i still wanted to hang out with some of my friends. so again being the "aggressive" person i am i decided that i was tired too so i went home.

yeah thats pretty much my grad-nite"mare" in a nut shell!! i still haven't talked to rosalinda and i really want too but i'm scared. why if she yells at me? i don't know. i really miss my rosalinda!!

this week has been so overwhelming. not only do i have to take two college classes very fast but i am also expected to write five college essays in five weeks. i know, to most that doesn't seem alot but to me, who doesn't like to write academically, that is TORTURE!!! the only good thing is that my english teacher mr.dyer is really cute and nice, but he smokes. bleh. (for those of you who don't know i'm taking english 101A and stats) English 101A looks like its going to be really hard,and i'm not a very good writer and analyzer. Stats i think i'm going to be ok because its completly different than pre-cal and i'm not very good at that kind of math.

ahhh!! in english we are reading this book called Candide and its really interesting but the jokes inside, some i don't get. oh well.

i hope i pass these classes.
well adios mis amigos.

i am so tired of my mom telling me i'm selfish and that i need to grow up. last night she was talking to my brother and she said she felt bad for leaving to take care of my grandma who's in the hospital and leaving the kids with my dad. BUT that didn't stop her before when she would work over time and go out to the movies. did it? she's so stupid ahhh!! sometimes she makes me want to scream from the top of my lungs. she never takes care of the kids and when she does she yells at them and hits them. boy it must be really hard to collect the checks for the boys at the end of the month. (sarcastic voice)

more later because the new spanish teacher is strict...

well prom was fun here's a brief summary of what happened:

9:00am!-Got my hair done and prettied up.
10:45am!-Lily picks me and up and we hit the town doing errands for me so i can get ready and then went out for breakfast at MacDonalds!
11:25am!-Pick up dress and realize i can't hide my HUGE BUTT!!
12:00pm!-lily takes me home and i sit and sit and sit some more waiting for prom to come. while waiting i get sick and can't breathe very well. i couldn't lay down because i didn't want to mess up my hair.
3:45pm!-Went over to my sis's friends house and they do my make-up and later find out that i got her sick. poor jessica!!!
4:15pm!-Susie picks me up and we go to MHS for pictures and meet the guys,dezirae and purla(who turns out to be very nice :-))
5:50pm-leave monache and set route for john incredible in bakersfield. long drive, no one really talked.

to be continued...